Danielle's World of Woe

Scrambled Eggs for a Brain

2007-04-14T07:38:05Z

My mind is a mess. My whole life as soon as something goes right and is going good I inevitably screw it up.... My life has been going well, except for the fact that the most important person in my life is on the other side of the planet. I had finally gotten back to a good place after I had screwed up my life so badly when I was 18. Then what do I do, start screwing things up. I've only been 21 for 4 months, what do I do? go and get a DUI... on easter no less. It doesn't matter that I wasn't that drunk, it doesn't matter why I did what I did, all that matters is that I did something so monumentally stupid, even though nothing happened, I could have died, I could have killed someone, what was I thinking. When I first got married and we moved to Fort Carson all I said was "I don't want to talk to military wives because all they do is cheat on their husbands and get drunk", well, on my behalf, I have not, nor will I ever cheat, the getting drunk part, well, I got stupid. I mean, as a friend wisely put it, my husband is over there getting shot at and I am going out to bars. I had to drop all of my classes so I can catch a ride to work to make money to pay for my very expensive mistake. I just can't believe it. With one little decision your whole life can change. My marriage was perfect before he left, now its going through a little bit of a rocky bit, that hopefully won't get worse with this whole new "ALL US ARMY SOLDIERS EXTENDED TO 15 MONTHS". Maybe this is God's way of testing me, to see if I deserve the happiness I have with my husband. I will survive, I will make it through and God willing my marriage will be better than it was and we will live happily ever after. I'm going to go to bed now so that I can get up in the morning and start cleaning the house so it will be perfect when he comes home for R&R next month.

2nd Worst Day of My Life

2007-04-08T13:01:14Z

Can I just say that today was the second worst day of my life, things can only get worse right?

Soltaire + School = Procrastination

2007-03-07T07:40:39Z

Why am I playing Soltaire when I should be studying/doing HW? I open up my HW and end up just staring at the screen, why can't I do it. My humanities class seems so complicated, but really it shouldn't be. Maybe because we are just now getting to the Romans and we started in January...The Greeks and Romans are cool and all, but there is alot more to Humanities and History in general. I'm burnt on the subject. Why am I having so much trouble with school? I love all my classes, they are all subjects that I enjoy, so why am I struggling? I'm a reasonably intelligent person... I don't understand. Even my drawing teacher is never satisfied, no matter what I do, he wants me to change something.......Ok just won the game of Soltaire, guess I can do HW now...or atleast try...or I could go to bed and get up early...hmmm

aurora_the_muse @ 2007-03-06T00:58:00

2007-03-06T08:05:21Z

Life is hard. I say this because I never realized it would be this difficult, and I didn't have the easiest childhood. I love being married, my husband is so wonderful, but I can't help but wonder if I am grown up enough to be a wife, I know that sounds stupid, but I can hardly take care of myself, much less run a home. I've lived on my own since I was 14, but I never had the full responsibility of running a home. Yes, being married my husband carries part of that responsibility, but he is in Iraq, so That doesn't help me much. To try and cope with him being gone, the fact that I moved to a new place where I hardly know anyone, and all that wonderful stuff, I decided to go to school damn near full time (I'm taking 12 credits) and work full time with 40 hrs per week, I can't handle it... My house is a mess and no matter how much I want to clean it I don't have the time, my brain is a mess, I'm not getting all my homework done, I' can't even think straight. To try and cope I went out drinking every night for about a week, I realized that was dumb and will not be doing that again. Now the only computer I have to do all my school stuff on is crashing again, I might be able to get my Dad to send my old computer, but its still a P.O.S. and I don't know if he will do it, he has a lot on his mind,his wife's father just found out he has cancer, I'm not supposed to say anything, but no one on here knows my dad so its ok, My 21st birthday was in december, I am now a no excuses adult, but I feel like I am failing, I don't know why, nothing is horriblly wrong, I'm just stressing, ALOT. Its almost 1:00 AM and I am supposed to get up early in the morning to start going to the gym with a good friend from when I was a little kid because we never see each other, but I can't sleep.... I wish I could just go to sleep for a week and wake up with all the answers. My life really isn't so bad, I know that, so why am I stressing so much? I just feel like I am scrambling, or running with no end to where I am going, in so many ways I feel lost, but there are a few things I am sure of, I want to keep going to school and I love being married to my husband. I just think I took on too much, I can't think, because I don't have time, that leaves me writing LJ posts in the middle of the night because I can't sleep, there's so much I want to do with so little time. Where are you fairy god mother? Any suggestions would be appreciated...especially if you have a magic wand....Ok, I'm going to try and go to sleep again, hopefully I can. Good night.

Life is Rough Sometimes

2006-09-30T20:37:31Z

Well, its been 14 days since my beloved left me for the great sandbox. I miss him so much yet I try not to admit it because I must be strong. 12 months is a long time, but it is not forever. I know that he will come home to me as soon as he is able. I try to focus on my school work and I'm trying to get a job, but it is hard to stay on that schedule I was on before and as of yet I am still unsuccessful, I can't go to sleep when I want to, I just lay in bed my thoughts on him and many other things. I am not religious per se, but I am spiritual and at least once a day I say a prayer for him and the safety of those soldiers by his side. It is lonely here by myself, but he is the man I am meant to be with and is so amazing. I knew this was coming before we got married, but it is still hard, and its only been two weeks.

For those who read this, all I ask is that you keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

MOVING

2006-02-10T05:53:23Z

So once again, I am packing everything I have in my possession and moving somewhere far, far away...but for once, I am not alone :) I have my wonderful husband with me! The packing is almost done, we have a party tomorrow night and we get to say "fare well" to all those that we hold near and dear here in San Diego...Then...!!!! We are on the road! I am soo excited! We get to drive together all the way to Colorado Springs!! I am so happy I love Colorado and then we'll get our house and everything will be so wonderful!

Yes, Fairy Tales Do Come True! I am the Happiest Woman Alive!!

2006-01-02T06:05:59Z

Well, Friday night was the best night of my life so far, and the beginning of a new chapter in my life! I got married on Friday Night!! It wasn't big, it was small simple and sweet! There will be another one, a big one where I get to wear a big ivory dress and have my daddy walk me down the aisle. I only hope that I may continue to make my husband(I love saying that!)as happy as he makes me every day!

Random friend stuff, from Greyedge :)

2005-12-16T05:34:59Z

The Random Question Meme!

An array of completely random questions about my friends!

How did you meet mokinathecokina?: Through her absolutly fabulous sister!
What is the strangest thing deadbeat_minion has ever said to you?: Well, I'm not really sure, I mean he is really weird, and related to me...almost everything that comes out of his mouth is strange.
Who would win in a fight between shwaychick and malkcontent?: Well, funny you should ask...I definitly think Shwaychick would win, in all honesty, Malkcontent is a good guy but a bit of a softie, she would totally kick his ass!
What would happen if greyedge and tank_top_tob went on a date together?: Absolute disaster. And confusion, considering one is in Florida and one is in California, also maybe the fact that they are both straight males...I'm not really sure I know how I would feel about that.

This is by heptadecagram. You can find your own completely random questions here.

Do you feel enlightened now?

Thanksgiving is here again.....joy....

2005-11-23T03:48:36Z

I hate Thanksgiving. I wasn’t going to go this year, but…........... everyone in my family should get an award for excellence in guilt trips......

My Aunt is crazy. My Grandma is crazy. They are all crazy, they will all be there. I love them, they are my family, but they are all completely nuts. They all want me to be there. I will NEED a bottle of wine to cope. I will hear nothing but "Where are you living now? What is your phone number again? Who are you dating? Who are you living with? Who is that? Where are you working? What is that? An office? What kind of office? What do you do there? Oh, you are a receptionist, what do you have to do? Are you eating properly? You look too skinny! You need to eat more, here, eat some of this it will fatten you up!” and in the same breath “You look too fat! Why are you eating all that fatting food, do you want to split your jeans? Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Are you paying your bills? Oh you got laid off....so you mean you got fired. You didn't do your job well enough did you? You really shouldn't drink so much, Hey grandma pass the bong. Oh yeah I need another beer too! Danielle, when are you going back to college? And what are you going to study? What are you doing with your life? Do you miss your mom? We miss your mom. We are so sorry, what a tragic loss, lets all cry about it. Why don't you come see us more? We love you. You know we love you. We miss you, come visit us more, have you talked to your dad recently? Oh how is he doing, that s good. So, where are you living? What is your phone number now? Who are you living with? Who is that?.........”

Life.....

2005-07-11T19:25:44Z

Life...How can it be so great yet at the same time so shitty?

Happiness

2005-06-15T19:08:26Z

All Is Right And Wondeful In The Universe!!!

LJ Posts

2005-05-25T06:01:58Z

So I think I am just going to use this to post comment because there is no reason for me to have 2 blog/journal thingys. I have my MySpace that I update much more regularly.

Hmmm......Update

2005-05-04T05:11:45Z

I don't know why I have one of these...I never remember to update it. So Whats new since my last update? Everything. My hair is really, really short...Its grown out alot though. ...I quit smoking on sunday...and then theres the boyfriend.

Interesting.......

2004-10-27T04:42:15Z

How to make a aurora the muse

Ingredients:

3 parts anger

1 part silliness

5 parts beauty

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

aurora the muse Highway

Bankruptcity	6
Confusion Lane	23
Tower of Commitment	47
Bog of Eternal Marriage	154
Wealthville	487
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

Poetry...or something like it...

2004-10-20T20:23:30Z

6*24*04
What once felt right,
Now is wrong.
Pain is caused; unintentionally
I am reborn; thankfully
I need not any man,
But I do want man.

Half a decade gone before my eyes,
No regret is felt, only relief.
Relief that it is now done & over
Too long has pain been masked.
Now I WILL find happiness
I have found my peace in the water.

I should feel sorrow and pain in the end
But my only thoughts are want of flesh
How sinful it must be to feel this

I vow never again to take a man's innocence
For sheer fear it will drive him mad
So strange I have been dealt these cards twice
One in the middle of the other

Overwhelming desire is my state
Such foreign feelings to me;
Made familiar a new
I know now what I have always felt
Comfort and routine do not make a happy heart
Society tells us it is what we want
But, society is not all knowing

I am who I am
And that how it is
From friendly to slutty
From evil to buddy
I am who I am

Having sex, making love, fucking
Different feelings tied to each
All describing the same act

Tingles, burning heat, want, desire
All this I have felt
But hope must not take a flight
For this I know will lead to it's demise

Why is it so bad to want?
Why must we hide our desires;
For fear of false labels.
For fear of being ignored.
Is pronouncing what you feel and want so bad?

Is there such a thing as LOVE...
At first sight?
Or have I misspelled that "L" word
When it is properly L*U*S*T

Is it true that if you act in great desire;
That desire will soon fade and disappear?

Poetry is not what these writings are called,
But if not Poetry; What name shall it be given?

Desire is mine
All my pleasure
Not just sex
I want more
Even though
Lousy are the chances
Lust is all that shall arise
'Ever on love shall not pass my lips

FREEDOM
Freedom to do whoever I want
wherever I want
whenever I want
Freedom to do whatever I want
wherever I want
whenever I want
FREEDOM

Loyalty
Obedience
Vengeance
Eternity
VS.
Loins
Unite
Sure
Thing

D * A * N * I * E * L * L * E
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A * A * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
N * * * N * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I * * * * * I * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
E * * * * * * * E * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
L * * * * * * * * * L * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
L * * * * * * * * * * * L * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
E * * * * * * * * * * * * * E

7*23*04

An act of passion
now breeds confusion
Was it a mistake
to act so soon?
Did I not pleasure him?
Perhaps I should not act
On a whim

Pleasure was given
an exchange made
Still no call

Mixed messages
Breed confusion
Say one thing
Show another

It is what it is
For now no change
Is there hope?
One day for change

Pleasure Me
Comfort Me
Leave Me
Confuse Me

10*8*04

Love should not be wanted
But it is
Lust has been had
But more is desired
Hide these feelings I try
But I fail

Confusion is my destiny
Will there ever be affirmation?
I fear not for my heart

Jealousy is what I feel
Envy is what I feel
Make it go away
It is not wanted here

Am I so pale in comparison?
This that I strived for
Grateful, yet remorseful
Curvaceous now, not
I am pale in comparison

Attention used to be mine
Now she has it all
But I cannot place blame
I give her mine willingly

I receive attention solely from where
it is not desired
My desires will never be fulfilled
I must come to accept this
Or unhappiness will be mine

Numb the pain,
But intensify the desire
Try to kill the ache
But it won't disperse

Pain is Beauty
Beauty causes Pain

Pain is everywhere
You cannot hide
You can only disguise
I am the mistress
Of this ART

Aurora is the new me
Danielle is the old me
The new me is not much different

Change is not something
This blonde head can comprehend

10*19*04

~The Waiting Game~
I will not say
So now I wait
I tried to say
And now I wait
I want him to say
So now I wait
I doubt he will say
But still, I wait

Fear engulfs me
Doubt devours me
Desire pains me
A want, A need
I want, I need
He is my only remedy
So still, I wait

Responsible I can be
Nurturing I can be
Entertaining I can be
Desirable I try to be
Please find your company in me

So you're taking a step back;
From all women in general.
What exactly does that entail?
For still you are with me,
Or are you even here at all?

I am at a loss,
I do not understand
This "Dating Game" people play
To me this is unfamiliar
And I'm not sure of the rules
But wait, are there exceptions?
Will I ever know?