Danielle's · World · of · Woe

For those who read this, all I ask is that you keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Current Mood:

lonely

I hate Thanksgiving.  I wasn’t going to go this year, but…........... everyone in my family should get an award for excellence in guilt trips......       

My Aunt is crazy.  My Grandma is crazy.   They are all crazy, they will all be there.  I love them, they are my family, but they are all completely nuts. They all want  me to be there.  I will NEED a bottle of wine to cope.  I will hear nothing but "Where    are you living now? What is your phone number again? Who are you dating? Who are   you living with? Who is that? Where are you working? What is that? An office? What kind of office?  What do you do there? Oh, you are a receptionist, what do you have to  do? Are you eating properly? You look too   skinny! You need to eat more, here, eat some  of this it will fatten you up!” and in the same breath “You look too fat! Why are you eating all that fatting food, do you want to  split your jeans?  Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.   Blah. Blah. Blah. Are you paying your bills?  Oh you got laid off....so you mean   you got fired.  You didn't do your job well enough did you?  You really shouldn't drink  so much, Hey grandma pass the bong.  Oh yeah I need another beer too!  Danielle,  when are you going back to college? And what are you going to study? What are you doing   with your life?  Do you miss your mom?  We  miss your mom.  We are so sorry, what a tragic loss, lets all cry about it.  Why don't you come see us more?  We love you.    You know we love you. We miss you, come visit us more, have you talked to your dad recently? Oh how is he doing, that s good.   So, where are you living? What is your phone number now? Who are you living with? Who is that?.........”

Current Mood:

THANKFUL

Half a decade gone before my eyes,
No regret is felt, only relief.
Relief that it is now done & over
Too long has pain been masked.
Now I WILL find happiness
I have found my peace in the water.

I should feel sorrow and pain in the end
But my only thoughts are want of flesh
How sinful it must be to feel this

I vow never again to take a man's innocence
For sheer fear it will drive him mad
So strange I have been dealt these cards twice
One in the middle of the other

Overwhelming desire is my state
Such foreign feelings to me;
Made familiar a new
I know now what I have always felt
Comfort and routine do not make a happy heart
Society tells us it is what we want
But, society is not all knowing

I am who I am
And that how it is
From friendly to slutty
From evil to buddy
I am who I am

Having sex, making love, fucking
Different feelings tied to each
All describing the same act

Tingles, burning heat, want, desire
All this I have felt
But hope must not take a flight
For this I know will lead to it's demise

Why is it so bad to want?
Why must we hide our desires;
For fear of false labels.
For fear of being ignored.
Is pronouncing what you feel and want so bad?

Is there such a thing as LOVE...
At first sight?
Or have I misspelled that "L" word
When it is properly L*U*S*T

Is it true that if you act in great desire;
That desire will soon fade and disappear?

Poetry is not what these writings are called,
But if not Poetry; What name shall it be given?

Desire is mine
All my pleasure
Not just sex
I want more
Even though
Lousy are the chances
Lust is all that shall arise
'Ever on love shall not pass my lips

FREEDOM
Freedom to do whoever I want
wherever I want
whenever I want
Freedom to do whatever I want
wherever I want
whenever I want
FREEDOM

Loyalty
Obedience
Vengeance
Eternity
VS.
Loins
Unite
Sure
Thing

D * A * N * I * E * L * L * E
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A * A * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
N * * * N * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I * * * * * I * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
E * * * * * * * E * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
L * * * * * * * * * L * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
L * * * * * * * * * * * L * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
E * * * * * * * * * * * * * E

7*23*04

An act of passion
now breeds confusion
Was it a mistake
to act so soon?
Did I not pleasure him?
Perhaps I should not act
On a whim

Pleasure was given
an exchange made
Still no call

Mixed messages
Breed confusion
Say one thing
Show another

It is what it is
For now no change
Is there hope?
One day for change

Pleasure Me
Comfort Me
Leave Me
Confuse Me

10*8*04

Love should not be wanted
But it is
Lust has been had
But more is desired
Hide these feelings I try
But I fail

Confusion is my destiny
Will there ever be affirmation?
I fear not for my heart

Jealousy is what I feel
Envy is what I feel
Make it go away
It is not wanted here

Am I so pale in comparison?
This that I strived for
Grateful, yet remorseful
Curvaceous now, not
I am pale in comparison

Attention used to be mine
Now she has it all
But I cannot place blame
I give her mine willingly

I receive attention solely from where
it is not desired
My desires will never be fulfilled
I must come to accept this
Or unhappiness will be mine

Numb the pain,
But intensify the desire
Try to kill the ache
But it won't disperse

Pain is Beauty
Beauty causes Pain

Pain is everywhere
You cannot hide
You can only disguise
I am the mistress
Of this ART

Aurora is the new me
Danielle is the old me
The new me is not much different

Change is not something
This blonde head can comprehend

10*19*04

~The Waiting Game~
I will not say
So now I wait
I tried to say
And now I wait
I want him to say
So now I wait
I doubt he will say
But still, I wait

Fear engulfs me
Doubt devours me
Desire pains me
A want, A need
I want, I need
He is my only remedy
So still, I wait

Responsible I can be
Nurturing I can be
Entertaining I can be
Desirable I try to be
Please find your company in me

So you're taking a step back;
From all women in general.
What exactly does that entail?
For still you are with me,
Or are you even here at all?

I am at a loss,
I do not understand
This "Dating Game" people play
To me this is unfamiliar
And I'm not sure of the rules
But wait, are there exceptions?
Will I ever know?

Current Mood:	thoughtful
Current Music:	Tom Petty in the background? (My Aunt is obsessed)